Panic

  People don’t understand how i panic. I try so hard to prepare for stuff but i can’t for everything and especialmente when I’m upset. Too much changes or nerves or excitement is just as bad as physical stimulation (such as lights, noses, e c t. .) Like today i knew they were bringing furniture but that wasn’t enough. There were several strangers around me talking and moving things in such a small space and they were all going way to fast. I tried to stay calm but it doesn’t work so well. It’s not that i was ungrateful. Honestly I’m thrilled people are finally trying to help me but it’s just to much. And then i have to feel bad that i can’t cope. I know it’s hard dealing with me but it’s also hard being me. I can’t control how mi mind and body reacts to different stimulation, i try mi best tho. It can be scary feeling like everything even yourself is out of control. And then they expect me to talk (or write) about what I’m feeling or thinking when part of me is blank and the other part is a million miles a minute. Mi mind and body are in fight or flight i can’t think of words during that time (even calm that’s hard). It can be hard. Take surprises they can be exciting and I’ll have no choice but to cope best i can which might not be so good depending on things. But if you warn me i could panic premature and not be able to go or just leave our hide. And just like I’ve barely understood anything that’s happened all week. People have talked at me so fast and i can’t do nada but just agree cuz i do want thier help but I’m clueless. I’ve never lived alone and it’s scary. I love having stable housing and is mine which is great but it’s a huge change from either being on the streets in la la land or having people around making sure I’m eating and other things. I just wish someone would take time to realize i can’t keep up and cope. I need a person to give some pics or something and take thier time explaining things and preparing me. I know I’m smart but i need time to process stuff.

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