Expressing

   I’m not the best at understanding things like others and therefore have issues issues expressing them. I may feel things emotional or physical sensations but be unable to attach the meaning. Examples sure I notice wind, water, skin but not just as a texture not a temperature or that I may notice mi tummy feels something I’m not sure if it’s hunger or pain (honestly I don’t understand concept of differ pain). Even emotions during a recent activity it wad learned that I only half process happy, sad, mad, y other as feeling categories. So when you’re trying to communicate with me you have to respect that I really can’t get some things. I am smart and an adult so I don’t want to be treated as less but I still do need understanding. Honestly when communicating with me you need to be blunt and specific. Do not assume I understand what you mean. I normally don’t. Pictures are a huge help especially when I’m trying to process allot. Once I have to much going on in mi head I can’t process verbal language well – and I’m already not the best. Let me try communicate best I can whether with colors, pics, music, or mi hands. When I do use words remember that I don’t use then like other people. I have mi own style. I tend to use the same words or phrases that I have a meaning for which I may understand it vastly differ than anyone else. And if you don’t get it I’m sorry I do mi best both to understand and to express myself. Whether I or anyone else likes to admit it I am different. But I Am NOT Less. Do not expect me to act or process like most people. I’m unique just like everyone on the spectrum and everyone in general. But also do not me treat me like I’m incapable of anything. I can make decisiones but I may need help understanding. Don’t just do things for me, be patient and explain unless I ask you to do it. Even if you’re mi friend know that I’m not like others. You need to say exactly what you mean and yes I’m picky on time and bad emotional support. I do care but I don’t know what to do. But I’m fun, I have no shame, and I’m honest – maybe to much so lolz. I guess what I mean is that I know it’s hard for others and me to understand each other (especially there is so much I keep inside) but I think it’s worth trying to put in the effort.

Transcendence 1/19/14

I was a star in the sky at first. I was never really here but sometimes I watched. I was in a state similar to Adam Sandler on auto pilot during the movie click. I started to supernova around 13yrs. Feb 2007 I became a black hole. In May 2007 Renaissance sponge came like a Phoenix from the ashes. Rey Pupi Juan took over after the breakdown of Aug 2010. Around Aug 2013 he started melting like a snowflake. By Dec 2013 he was a raindrop. As he evaporates I don’t know what will come. But maybe just maybe you’ll see some of me.

Update Dec 19 2015.

Tiggy is a broken jicksaw puzzle piece of me. One that had bin rained on, crumbled y torn. Mixed with the ashes y melted snow. So much me it isn’t me. A caricature of me playing off expectations of me, both mine y others. A exaggerated mix of who me am and who me wants to be and who people think I should be. Another suffocating act. But progress. One day, one day will have the safety to breathe. 

Update June 4 2016

In my aloneness you can find pieces me. The times were I’m not judged I can breathe and be free. But still I’m trapped, sometimes by people, sometimes by the past, sometimes just by my body.

Update July 2017

The me that could have been will always be buried, hidden somewhere in my soul where not even me can find it. This unknown thing has stolen my body from me and has my brain betraying me. The glimpses and fragments of me rarely find a way to my consciousness, and even then they stay trapped at a loss for words and no other way to communicate.