Oblivious

  So I’ve been in the hospital for a few days and am finally out. Apparently I’ve had an infection for 2 months but by time i understand it spread to mi kidneys. I was hurting which is new cuz i barely feel things they gave me morphine and narcos and antibiotics and stuff in an iv. They didn’t want me go alone so mi friend came for me and even bought groceries which was nice. They tried refer me get a worker from cau (community alternatives unlimited) but unfortunately cau denied me earlier this year. They don’t think it’s good that most (say 85%) time I’m alone. I have no assistance with things like keeping food and remember eat and take meds. I do mi best. The thing is I’ve always been me so i don’t really notice. Yes i know i have meltdowns but i rarely know why. I just try survive. And since i always say I’m ok then people assume I’m ok which makes sense unless you remember mi differences. If you want know things you have ask specific cuestiones such as did you eat or can you handle going to the store. And also i don’t always remember things or get them twisted in mi head. I’m just a space cadet missing a pilot – i am watching the

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stars and hoping the bumpy ride don’t kill me yet cuz there is more beauty to see.

Comprehension

  I know I’m smart  . . . But to a degree. I know slot of things but have little or no comprehension. In allot of ways I’ll always be a child. In some ways better and in a few worse. For instance i can’t seem to make decisions easily when at all. I went to steak and shake and couldn’t figure out what to order. Mi head got jumbled with the choices and even though i wanted something different, i wound up getting the only I’ve ever got because by this point i was starting to have meltdown due to the confusion and all the noise and people. And all mi smartness doesn’t help me with social things or emotions. I can know i should say something or that somebody had a feeling but i won’t understand. Or sometimes late to get it. It’s very frustrating to understand you should know something but that it’s eloping you. Or say after a meltdown a few hours later i may be able to figure out what triggered and started it to a degree but that doesn’t help me cope or prevent it and most times i barely remember what happened. Even though I’m really smart i still need some assistance. Don’t get wrong i like that i can do some things but people seem to set me up for failure by thinking i can do more than i can based on mi intelligence and forget mi differences. You have to see all of me good and different.