Alone

I am alone. This should be great. I have a hard time dealing with people and it should be a great step to independence, part of growing up. But with great freedom comes great responsibility. I am now in a place to make choices for myself. It should be wonderful. I love having say so in what I’m doing and where I’m going. But it seems I can not make them alone. And even the ones I do, I need help do them. I am smart and should be able to do this but I am different and this becomes way to much way to fast. And I have no one to turn to. Some people think I have lots of friends to support me. What they don’t know is I call everyone friend even if I just saw them one time. Almost no one is what most think a friend. I have 3- al of which struggle with own differences. I love them dearly but they can’t really help but we all try to help each other as we can. And yes I am in a housing program y a autism center but neither seem to understand what I need help with or how to help. And i’m not always able to reach out or explain. It’s never been that I don’t want support or friends. Sometimes I feel more social than others but I am not able to be around people. I get confused and over stimulated fast. And I want to be able to live alone but I am starting to think me not can do that. And people sometimes ask if me do this or why doesn’t this work for me like it does them. And I have no answers. Being asked that or being told others sometimes feel that way only make me feel worse because why me not can handle it or process like others. Example I was told to set an alarm to eat, not a bad idea but that doesn’t help me with the 8 hour process of find out, getting, y make food if I don’t just give up. And it’s not suppose be this hard but for me it is and I don’t why but all I can do is cry alone.