I have been writing a lot the last few days. Most of it is stuff I have think about off and on a long time. Some of it is more new. So why can I type this much now? Because for the last few days all I can do is think. That may sound silly. But what I mean is my OCD is making only able to think about write stuff that I want say and understand. So much that I have not been able do anything else, except swing with Allie help because she has to go outside and knows to take me to the park. I have not been able to watch Netflix or sleep or go potty or get food other stuff. Just think and swing. Is that bad? I don’t know, this is my normal. I get like this sometimes. My therapist would tell me I’m stressed. Maybe I am, Kreed is gone and I may lose my apartment in the housing program and my grandma is dying and she is all my family even if I not see her in over 10 years but she use relay with me and I don’t have the therapist. But I am not thinking about that, not any of that. I don’t mind so bad when I’m like this. I can even learn stuff when I get like this. I have had worse times with OCD.
The other kind of obsessed thinks I can get are called intrusive thoughts. Those are bad, they are thinking bad things I don’t like but I can’t stop. Sometimes it’s about killing myself, I don’t want to share the others. But the point is it don’t mean I actually want to do it, but that it is like a cd playing on repeat that I don’t like. I don’t understand it good but I take medicine to help. I can have panic or anxiety attacks from these kind of thinks, and they can be related or work with my PTSD.
Some other kinds of obsessed think are when I keep think somethings bad will happen if I don’t do something like brushing my teeth a lot or when I can only think about minions or something. Sometimes I don’t like it if I want to do something. But mostly I barely understand and it feels normal so I just accept it as me and don’t try fight it. But when it’s over I may be upset. Or if people are try be with me it can make me upset and have meltdowns.