Pain, Swings, and Accomplishment 

In the morning Me and Allie take 3 hour walk. But wait for it . . . Our destination (the park) should only take 25 minutes to walk. Using my cane so I can have a hand free (as opposed to my new forearm crutches) It takes me almost 3 times that. Part of it is I need lots of breaks for both my legs and my breathing/heartrate. The other part is even though I start at a almost normal pace by the end my legs are so tired I’m walking slower than Betty (a 13 year old tortoise that is 70lbs). I’m feeling funny at this point but you only see me smile. We make it to the swings and I let Allie run for a few minutes as I sit and when she comes back I swing. Either on the normal swing with just my hands or the special needs swing (the big blue swing that looks like a car seat) using my cane to push me. After about 30 minutes we start heading back. I may stop by somewhere to get me or Allie a treat (that is why I want a free hand, and to hold my stuffie). By the time we get back I’m definitely in pain, my eyes are watery with tears but you won’t see that because my silly body only smiles. And with my dark glasses and not being looking at people nobody knows. And when we finally get back I get Allie breakfast and then  fall as my legs completely give out. But it’s ok because I made it. And I got to swing which is my favorite thing to do. And Allie is happy because she got to run outside. I’m glad to have her, she helps me walk and stay stable. She doesn’t mind how long it takes me or if some days I can’t go that far even if she wants to. She makes sure I rest and also encourages me when to get up and go a little more. And she’s always always smiling happy. I am not complaining at all, I’m happy to do what I can. But it’s interesting that nobody knows how much pain I’m in because even if they see me having a hard time I’m always smiling. The silly part is that when I’m happy and calm my mouth is not smiling much. It only smiles when I’m in pain or having a lot of feelings (good or bad). The forearm crutches help me a lot but I still need breaks and I can’t use my hands. A thing about both cane and forearm crutches is that my arms and hands aren’t very strong too. They don’t always listen to me good. So the pain I get isn’t just my legs, it’s also my arms – not to much my hands because the handle is big enough I don’t have to squeeze hard to hold, unless it rains. Most of my lbs is held by the device but it comes through my arms and also my arms have to move it. Works way better than my legs of course but it’s still hard work. And also the pain is my chest and throat to for breathing. But it’s still worth it. At least for the early morning swing especially when I can see the sunrise at the lake. But I’m slowly learning I need to give up the cane and use the forearm crutches always. The insurance lady emailed that she’s going to see if they can pay for me a gait trainer because my walker doesn’t have a seat or way to support me and is not good to use outside and a rollators isn’t made to hold my lbs. it just rolls and I fall. I really really really don’t want to go back in a wheelchair. I hate it and it’s hard to use. I’d rather struggle and take time with the forearm crutches. 

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