Accept us, love us, but mostly See Us

So there has been sadness. I have Facebook, and luckily most of mine is just following some favorite cartoons. But I also follow a couple of autism pages to feel less alone. And recently I have like 5 friends. And every sometimes Me see something sad, like the autism guy that they shot him worker. And recently a parent kill they child. And it’s a thing that parents of us special kids can do that and people feel sorry for the parent. I don’t understand. How is it ok to kill us? Why not if you can’t handle then to get help? Who are you to decide our thinks and pretend to know the future? I don’t have hate for you and I’m sorry there’s so much sadness in your thinks, but you can’t take it out on us. And if nobody gets in trouble then it stay ok to hurt us. Many times people think we are sad when we are not. My face looks upset most the time but that not how me feel. And the things that would make you sad don’t make sad at all. No I’m not normal and I don’t want to be. I don’t feel bad that I’m not dating. I don’t want to go out with friends every day. And the things that can make sad killing me and others like me won’t fix. If you think I need friends then maybe go online and try to find other people who have things in common with me like loving paw patrol or Disney and having a difference (disability). If you’re scare me won’t learn to do a thing, find a different way to teach me or think if it’s important to me or just you. Like I need help with cooking/eating. But did you know lots of not disabled people can’t cook. It’s not important. Eating is but cooking is not. So then find ways to remind me when to eat and keep things around that I can eat that don’t need cook. If you’re truly concerned of our quality of life then you fight to make it better not to end it. But lots of times it’s more about your pain, not ours. And it’s ok you’re in pain. But get help. Don’t take it on us. Please.

When me was small my Mamá try kill me lots. Me had so much abuse most my life. And because therapy like ABA tell us to do what people want me never know was bad. Me was think me am bad to make people upset. So many rapes and cuts and scars. How am Me supposed to know if you really love me or just say that? Nobody who wants to hurt you says that, they say it’s to help you or teach you. 

Even when is not that bad it still hurts. Me was spend time with a person. And lots of time the person walks away when me am try type something. Or decide me can’t go somewhere because they don’t want to take my wheelchair. They was always getting upset and impatient with me because I can’t talk or walk or even understand what they say fast. And get mad at me like me can fix that. And I don’t understand. If you say you love me and accept me then why are you always mad at me for how me am. And why don’t you want take the time to see what I have to say. I work so much hard to go out and not have meltdowns and even more hard to understand what you say and find a way to reply. If I can work so hard to find a way to communicate then why can’t you take the time to listen? And if you don’t then you definitely can’t say how Me feels. 

Lots of people even me was not able communicate when small and had behaviors and no miracles cure. But just because it takes longer doesn’t mean it never happens. People with developing delays and intelligence disabilities still grow and learn just differently. And just because we may struggle with words and/or making our bodies work doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings. We still have love and sadness. We can still be happy. Even if you don’t like the things that make us happy are “not normal”. If you are the one taking away our happiness then you can’t make the excuses that we will never be happy, because you mean that we won’t be happy doing the things you want us to. Very different. There is a thing some people say of physical disabilities for learning called presumes competence that means belief that they just because a person can’t move good they can still understand you. And it’s very good for like people who can only move they eyes. But there’s a better thing to do. Yes it’s good to believe that no matter how different we are we can learn. But more better to believe we have feelings just like every human. You need to see us as real people because we are. People with disabilities are not dolls to show off how pretty you make us look or robots or other toys to go look what I made him do. We are all people with real feelings that need to have a say so in our lives. Ask us things. We all can have a way to say yes or no- some can talk, some has a behavior that shows, and some can use blink. And we all have likes and dislikes. 

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