Lessons from my service dog

I have a great service dog named Allie Rice. Here’s some stuff that we want to share .

  1. Patience  . She may need to potty at 07:30 but me an struggle so so not outside until 09:00. She doesn’t bark at me or pull me. She may “ask” a few times (by go to door) or check with me if needs help (she comes up to see if need her help stand up), but she not impatient. She understands I’m doing my best y we will get there.  And if she don’t come at first when me call (with a noise, not say her name) me will wait a few seconds and try again or go by her side if important.
  2. Keep trying. Sometimes I have meltdowns and may self harm, she will keep coming up to distract and calm me until it works. Sometimes I can’t get up and for almost a hour she will keep help me stand. Sometimes she can’t ignore the rabbit and me will keep call her to keep on track. 
  3. It’s the little things. She is so happy to go outside and I love it. I’m so excited to see her smile and she do it when me needs it most or just because. I give her special treats because that all it takes to make her day better. And she will hug me or lick mine hand for the same.
  4. It’s awesome sauce to be yourself. She’s a dog, she likes to chase squirrels. And I let her because it makes her happy. I’m me and I like to swing and she will be sit happy while me swing. And I “stim” when I walk and she is still happy and not trying to stop me because it looks funny. She is happy I’m happy and that’s enough for us. *Oh she not chase them when on leash. *
  5. Pay attention. I can’t read her mind, and I don’t think she can read mine. But we are both good at knowing what the other needs. We pay attention. She can tell I need to slow down because she hears my heart rate, and she can tell when somethings is wrong with me even upset because I must do something different. And I can tell if she needs potty by her go to door and by thinking of the time (we try keep routine). And if she bark because a stranger or to get mine attention (to calm down). And she can tell if it’s ok to ask for all the belly rubs or if should leave me alone.
  6. Schedule is awesome sauce. She knows she will eat and it’s yummy , and when it’s time to go outside. Which helps her know if me needs help (like if I’m not up yet). I know when it’s time to calm down for bed because we follow a routine.
  7. Unconditional love. It’s not easy on us. We are about 2 feet away 24/7. Sometimes she really wants to run and me just can’t deal with the outside. Sometimes I can’t understand why she wants to go a certain way. But we don’t get mad, we still find other things to make us both smile. 
  8. Respect. Sometimes I let her lead where we walk even if I don’t want to, and sometimes she has to follow me. It’s not her or my fault that’s she’s a dog and I’m “disabled”. We don’t always understand each other. But we work together the best we can and always look for a way to make the other smile.  We respect that we both have needs and feeling even if can’t understand. I don’t understand why she needs to roll in dirt and she don’t understand why I need to rock or shout or bang mine hands but we don’t care because we can respect we are different.
  9. Forgive. Sometimes she scratches me or I step on her. But we don’t get upset. We still hug and kiss the same.


List, not poem.
Things u can’t see. Not having a body. Color of sound. Texture of emotions. A body so tired of being forced that it can’t move, even freely. Words melting, swirling. Grasping at meaning. Memories. Repetition. Cut & paste. Fragments of the now. The border of wanting to be free, wanting to be me, y wanting to accepted. Hidden patterns of the clever robot. The signal to breathe. World spinning. Not seeing 3D. Choking from thinking 2 hard. Realness of hands, of tuch, comforting until unbearable,to mush of a good thing es bad. Hrs, days, wks translate into words. Me. Drowning on the air thick w humanity. A sol hiding en a mind, guarded with a body to protect it from the outside world. The wrong kind of smartness. Pretending. Trying. Stranger in the mirror. Imprints of souls. Forgetting. Muscles twitch o freeze seconds, minutes, hours. Confused brains. Tinks speeding while the body rest. Not no-ing. Doubts. Difference of perception of realities. Blurring. Method to mi madness.


  So I’ve been in the hospital for a few days and am finally out. Apparently I’ve had an infection for 2 months but by time i understand it spread to mi kidneys. I was hurting which is new cuz i barely feel things they gave me morphine and narcos and antibiotics and stuff in an iv. They didn’t want me go alone so mi friend came for me and even bought groceries which was nice. They tried refer me get a worker from cau (community alternatives unlimited) but unfortunately cau denied me earlier this year. They don’t think it’s good that most (say 85%) time I’m alone. I have no assistance with things like keeping food and remember eat and take meds. I do mi best. The thing is I’ve always been me so i don’t really notice. Yes i know i have meltdowns but i rarely know why. I just try survive. And since i always say I’m ok then people assume I’m ok which makes sense unless you remember mi differences. If you want know things you have ask specific cuestiones such as did you eat or can you handle going to the store. And also i don’t always remember things or get them twisted in mi head. I’m just a space cadet missing a pilot – i am watching the


stars and hoping the bumpy ride don’t kill me yet cuz there is more beauty to see.


I spend roughly 97% of mi time trying to prepare for everything that’s going to happen places I’ll be, things people will do and say, sensory changes ect. . . If i can know and semi understand what going to happen or could happen i can try to prepare how to handle it, what do or write. But anything happens of script say i drop something or get asked a cuestiĆ³n and I’m lost. And i even have key word scripts for instance if i hear the word ok i agree, i hear mi name i look ect. . . And then there are words. Allot of time i ‘speak’ in riddles or circles trying to get something out but unable to find the words so i try to make people dance around mi language to figure it out. But the other thing is that everything i do communicates things sometimes very important things that no one gets cuz it’s not verbal. For instance nodding mi head means something like i don’t know what’s going on but sure you’re right. Or the few words i use over and over (written) that have meaning that no one really gets such as Mew which i think translates like  need support our giving support even though I’m not able to understand/explain the issue. Even the fact that i do everything the same over and over explains that i don’t know what to do if stuff isn’t where it’s suppose to be (hence of script). There’s a message in most things that i can’t pin point out always know i should. But it works similar to the body language things neurotypical people have that i barely understand. Unfortunately neither side understands how the other communicates very well. But that doesn’t mean no one is trying.