Why can’t you reach me

This es something that many people want explained. There are times when I (or other individuals) do not respond to anyone even if they’re right there. So I’ll try to breakdown what’s going on. Most likely in this time in having a shutdown. It’s a type of meltdown where I’m so over stimulated i can’t do anything more than than self regulate. I’d also like to note that if it gets to bad i may have a complete shut down, in which i can’t do anything y may look like a statue (not to be confused w mi seizures)
  I will probably be rocking, which Es basic self soothing. More concerning to others Es that I’ll prolly be rocking against sine hard service. Note I’m not trying to self harm (technically I’m not trying anything this Es automatic), but what it does es help give me a sense of body y space. Also puts a rhythm that helps regulate me.
   I am also likely to have MI music headphones all the way up to limit auditory simulation. AT THIS POINT I CAN’T PROCESS NOISE. Your talking Y everything else Es jumbled y scary sounding.
    For the most part mi eyes will be closed so that i don’t have to try to process visual stimulation. Because NONE OF IT MAKES SENSE.
  I am also likely to spinning MI car wheels or something else to that effect. What that does Es give me consistent tactile stimulation that i can handle. It also give MI eyes y ears something to focus on as i regroup. It also keeps me fidgeting en a healthy way.
  The last thing you may notice Es that I’m likely to be biting something. Oral stimulation Es naturally soothing. I don’t completely know why, but psychology says it dates to the first instinct we’re born with; sucking to get food.
   Now that’s we’ve covered what’s going on I’ll give you the 2 best tips i know to communicate with me at that time. A) if I’m wearing headphones connected to mi phone, then send a msg there, Preferably with pics. B) write/draw on paper then have IT touch me Y drop it by MI lap. Do NOT touch me yourself as in such a panicked state i may unconsciously lash out to self preserve Y not recognize you.
   Either way it cud take several minutes or longer before I’m able to control mi body long enuff to se , much less respond. Keep in the mind the MORE you interfere with me trying to calm down, the LONGER it will take me to recover. Therefore unless it’s for safety reasons or if you’re trying to relocate me to a calmer environment leaving me alone Es best option
  A similar but less intense form of this is when we’re not face to face and I’m not responding to any phone messages. The likely cause is that I’m beyond MI social energy y nearing a burn out. The best thing to do Es be patient. If your send a message expressing concern of MI health/safety I will within reasonable time give a short response.
  

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Panic

  People don’t understand how i panic. I try so hard to prepare for stuff but i can’t for everything and especialmente when I’m upset. Too much changes or nerves or excitement is just as bad as physical stimulation (such as lights, noses, e c t. .) Like today i knew they were bringing furniture but that wasn’t enough. There were several strangers around me talking and moving things in such a small space and they were all going way to fast. I tried to stay calm but it doesn’t work so well. It’s not that i was ungrateful. Honestly I’m thrilled people are finally trying to help me but it’s just to much. And then i have to feel bad that i can’t cope. I know it’s hard dealing with me but it’s also hard being me. I can’t control how mi mind and body reacts to different stimulation, i try mi best tho. It can be scary feeling like everything even yourself is out of control. And then they expect me to talk (or write) about what I’m feeling or thinking when part of me is blank and the other part is a million miles a minute. Mi mind and body are in fight or flight i can’t think of words during that time (even calm that’s hard). It can be hard. Take surprises they can be exciting and I’ll have no choice but to cope best i can which might not be so good depending on things. But if you warn me i could panic premature and not be able to go or just leave our hide. And just like I’ve barely understood anything that’s happened all week. People have talked at me so fast and i can’t do nada but just agree cuz i do want thier help but I’m clueless. I’ve never lived alone and it’s scary. I love having stable housing and is mine which is great but it’s a huge change from either being on the streets in la la land or having people around making sure I’m eating and other things. I just wish someone would take time to realize i can’t keep up and cope. I need a person to give some pics or something and take thier time explaining things and preparing me. I know I’m smart but i need time to process stuff.